Mama Bear

So becoming a parent surprised me in many ways.  I was surprised that my body could function with such little sleep.  I was surprised that I could so fully love someone so quickly. I was surprised that life could be turned upside down by a mere 5 lb 1 oz “joy”.  I mean, who knew poop could consume so many waking thoughts? If you are childless, this seems ridiculous but after having said child you will google amount, color, consistency of poop on a weekly basis and the fact that there are about 50 jillion hits allows you to seek comfort in the fact that you aren’t alone.

Anyways, I think the thing that surprised me the most was the instinctual need to protect her. Now I’m not talking about the need to make sure the outlets are covered or the need to google the proximity of child predators (although those are there too)  but this gut reaction NEED to soothe her – to save her when she starts to panic – to ensure that her world is a comforting safe place.  I knew I would feel this way to an extent, but never could I have imagined how powerful it is. It’s hard to put into words…. Small example – we are out and there are numerous family around that love LK and have raised many children successfully!  LK starts fussing – I know it’s because she is tired of being handled – sometimes all she wants is to play on her own – BUT the family members don’t know this because they aren’t around her as much as we are. So they try walking and bopping and singing – LK gets a bit louder – then it’s concluded she must be hungry or wet or hot…..the whole time I am literally having to bite my tongue and keep myself from racing to swoop in and make it better.

I restrain myself because….SHE IS FINE and I know that unless I let them learn her they will never be able to know she just wants to be put down.  I don’t want to be the only one who can soothe her nor do I want to be known as the controlling one. I want to raise a happy adjusted baby that isn’t stuck to me like glue –  but that mama bear instinct is the hardest instinct to suppress in the moment. It brings about this anxiousness to rip her from the hands of the “perpetrator” and, unfortunately, makes me more rude than I have ever been. Aside from that, it’s hard to watch her flailing unsuccessfully trying to move or trying to get the sippy to her mouth – frustration mounting.  I want to pick her up – give her a drink – but I know that what will help her is to not.  To sit there on my hands and let her try until she does it herself. I am learning and letting go when necessary, but I’m human, there are times that the mama bear comes out and all self-training is out the window.

The knowledge that this instinct isn’t going away but will only get stronger is terrifying. I KNOW she will experience pain and heartbreak and discomfort.  I KNOW she will lose the big game and fail a test she studied hard for.  And I’m KNOW it will kill me – in fact if the love continues to grow at this rate  – I am positive I wont live past age 2. BUT if I do happen to make, it will be my goal that no matter what happens in her life Chris and I will be the safe place and we will do our best to teach her how to handle these situations and come out better on the other side.

And just a warning, if anyone tries to hurt her – you better watch out – this mama bear is MEAN.  🙂

Much Love – Christy

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One Comment to “Mama Bear”

  1. Hello, I LOVE this picture!!!!! So precious!!!

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